There have been endless scenarios in my life where i felt disappointed and disillusioned by somebody because I felt they don’t care enough. Expectations are very destructive and they are bound to cause misery. But truthfully, it’s hard to care about someone or something and not have any expectations.
As the journey of life continues, people and situations change, but the same pattern repeats itself within me. I find myself disappointed, unsatisfied, i feel like a victim and i think i deserve better.
At such times, i feel down, i want to join the crowd and stop caring so much. Because whoever is the person, whatever is the relationship, wether it’s my mother, my guru, my lover, my friends… None of them seemed to fulfill what i feel is caring enough.
But, when the cloud passes, when i look again with some distance, i see with more clarity. The whole world cannot be the problem here. I need to address the real problem: My expectations and my definitions of caring enough. Everyone is doing what they know and what they can do in a particular moment. If i look at it from the other side, i surely have disappointed so many of these same people who may have wished i cared more or did more at some point of time. But, i did what i could, and that’s all i knew then.
Maybe i really care too damn much. Or maybe i am a hypocrite and someone else thinks i don’t care enough. Or maybe both are true at different points of time.
I don’t know what’s true, but i know that i don’t want to feel like an uncared for victim. That’s definitely not the truth. It’s a shame to allow my mind to trap me down that road over and over again.
If i look closely, i have so many wonderful people in my life who deeply care and that’s a blessing worth remembering.
Moral of the story is, whatever someone else chooses to do, i thrive when i care. So i am going to care too much anyways.